Continued from page 1, Children
Why Have Children at BirthBirth is one of life's most beautiful miracles. It is an opportunity for your child to experience the reality of life-the work, the pain, and the joy. Children at birth learn how to help in positive ways. They learn how to handle hard work, how to deal with pain and discover the rewards that are possible. It teaches them teamwork. It is empowering for children to be able to coach and encourage, to make others feel better, to be useful and needed, to care. Seeing a new baby being born is a unique experience that few people ever get to witness. Birth is bonding to the new member of the family.
Why Not Have Children at Birth
A child might be shocked or get negative feelings about sex or birth from watching. Mother's modesty is a concern. Could what or how the child tells his friends at school get him in trouble? Fear of nightmares is another issue.
Some of the more common concerns about having a child attend a birth are based on fear of the unknown. Birth can be a real shock for someone who does not know what to expect. This is where classes, movies and preparation can help dispel the fears and/or trauma.
How to Decide If Your Child Should Be at the Birth
First ask yourself if you really want your child(ren) there. Will you be able to concentrate and/or relax? If your child is young and needy, it may be difficult to have anyone else take care of the toddler while you are in active labor. Dealing with a demanding and/or frightened child can be very stressful. If you are birthing at a hospital you must also find out if hospital policy allows children to be present.
Then you must determine if the child would want to attend. If your child has never seen you naked before, birth could be shocking. Children who are sensitive to pain might be scared when exposed to their mother grimacing, moaning or bleeding. If you are planning on having an epidural for pain relief, it may surprise your child to see her mother hooked up to needles, tubes and machines.
Every child is different. The decision should be flexible because children change from day to day. The child(ren) will need an adult to supervise them while you are laboring. How do you feel about having other family or friends at the birth?
How to Prepare for Children at Birth
Children can be a tremendous asset at birth. They probably need the least amount of preparation because of their innocent acceptance of anything natural. Be sure, however, you have explained about the blood (that there may be some, but it is not "hurt" blood); labor is hard work and faces sometimes look strange when they are working hard; noises, we make some strange sounds when we work hard (grunts, etc.), and also the need for quiet and understanding.
The child(ren) should see as many films and pictures as possible. Be sure to discuss where the baby comes from exactly. Explain the placenta, water breaking (sometimes with a pop and splash), meconium, vernix and so on. Do it several times. Leave plenty of openings and invitations for questions. If your children are old enough to communicate and relate to other children, it is nice if they can talk to other children who have experienced the birth of a sibling.
Meet with all of the birth "team" to decide ahead of time what each person's responsibilities will be. Practice in front of the children frequently, explaining contractions and the need for quiet. Make sure that there is a designated caregiver for the child(ren) who can entertain them when things are moving slowly, and who can calm their fears and answer questions when things are active.
Finally, when everyone knows what their role is and they have prepared and practiced, remain flexible. Births are unpredictable and plans change. Know how to back off and let go. Children are often the most joyous participants in the birthing experience, given the proper preparation. They are able to see the birth through the eyes of the innocent: with all of the wonder and beauty that such a miracle deserves. How better to welcome a brother or sister into the family than as a family?